This is all so bittersweet. It’s been half a year and now I’m really starting to feel like I am running out of time.
This month has been challenging like all the rest, just in different ways. The main issue has been dealing with loneliness and exponentially increased independence (some of which I don’t want). It’s ironic that I say this as I am sitting alone at the train station (again) waiting to go home. At the end of the day I spend slightly over two hours going to and from school, and that is usually time spent alone. I don’t have my big host sister anymore to talk to and follow around all the time. When I go home to my host family, I kind of have to fend for myself. My friends have all of the responsibilities that come with being good students in school, so my free time is often up to me.
All of this alone time makes me feel independent, more so than usual, but there is an extent where I am just a 16 year-old girl who isn’t always sure of what she’s doing/going. I go through phases now where I really just miss having someone constantly worrying and checking in on me. My host family trusts me to be safe, which is nice. Yet, sometimes when I’m walking home by myself when it’s dark I wish someone took a bit of time to drive the two minutes to get me.
So yes, this month has been hard(er).
These past few weeks have really pushed me out of my normal comfort zone and have made me adapt more. I have pushed myself to speak more Czech so that I can talk to more of my classmates and relate to more people. I have tried to ask more people to hang out with me. This has resulted in new friendships and me finding people who share the same interests as me. I have learned a lot about being self-dependent and trying to work with people even when I am tired and my patience is running out. I think you could say that I have grown up a lot.
I can tell that these past six months have really changed me as a collective whole. I honestly didn’t think I would make it this long. Before I left my home, I always imagined something happening that made me go home, or need to be home. Despite the harsh ups and downs of this month, I have managed to focus and appreciate the ups more than dwell on the downs.
So month seven is officially here and it’s something that makes me feel happy, sad, proud, and everything in between. It has been one hell of a time in the Czech Republic so far, and as always, I can’t wait to see what this next month has in store.